Visited by an Angel
I will never forget one of the darkest moments of my life, when loneliness and bleak despair consumed my soul. For three months my mother and I provided Hospice Care for my dearest and best friend, my sweet father. My mother and I were of one mind back then, taking turns tending to my fathers every need at all hours of the day. Whenever someone came to visit us; our spirits were so uplifted. We were so grateful and relieved by their presence. It was as if they became an open window that filled our room with fresh air.
Hospice was not a nagging obligation for me- Oh no, it was an opportunity that I willingly and gladly accepted. To give back to my father that did so much for me. To be able to fulfill his needs was truly a gift I wanted so desperately. I owed him so much. He was my coach, mentor, father, and friend. My mother, a retired head nurse was capable enough, but she could not do it alone. If I hadn’t assisted, my father would surely have gone to a care facility to live out his last days. There was no way I could let that happen, not on my watch! As I proudly and resolutely told him, ‘I will walk through hell for you, and I know that you would do the same for me.’
In fact, those last three months were most precious and endearing. It was a wonderful journey that I would rejoicingly undertake repeatedly. I wouldn’t trade those last months with my father for anything. I am so thankful I was given that opportunity to ‘give back’ to the man, that gave ‘so much’ to me. It was a blessing from God, one in which I will cherish forever! Unfortunately, it had to come to an end.
It was in May of 2014; I forget the exact date, but it was a day that I will never forget. The funeral was over and my eldest son, Tommy (who was so close to my father) was the last family member to leave. I can still see him get into his car and drive away, leaving my mother and I standing on the sidewalk waving goodbye. At that gut-wrenching moment, my heart sank. My whole world was cast in a tailspin. There we were – all alone. Oh my God- so alone! …So exposed and all- ALONE. Gil Scott Heron said it best, ‘Life slams like a hammer and you fall to your knees!’
My soul felt so bare and unprotected that just thinking about it 8 years later still brings tears to my eyes and pelts my heart with agony. Just recalling that grief is unbearable. It was such a tormenting moment in time that even reminiscing about it makes me have to physically step away, to gather myself. You see, having done the ‘hard work’, having witnessed the slow deterioration of my father’s vital organs, and remaining so strong for so long- we were now emotionally spent, sleep depraved, and physically exhausted! We were so driven to comfort my father to the very end, that when Tommy drove away- my cup was completely emptied. The arduous goal was accomplished- now what?! Where do I go from here? Oh my, where am I now?
What do I do now? Where was my previous life? How can I ever get back to that?
After Tommy’s car drove up the street, I turned with tears streaming down my cheeks only to find an elderly man with a Bible in his hand. He was dressed in a suit and was walking on the sidewalk towards me. For some reason I felt compelled to tell him that my father had just passed, and my son was the last leave. Perhaps it was because the grief was so obvious that I felt obligated to explain my discontented consciousness. Oddly enough, I never saw his car, and I never saw him in the neighborhood for the last 35 years! He approached my mother and I, and in the kindest voice softly asked me if he could say a prayer for us. ‘Why not?’ I thought to myself, ‘How we need it!’ Without hesitation, I nodded in the affirmative and with my eyes closed, he began his eloquently supplicate to the Most High. I can’t recall the exact words, but the gist of it goes as follows:
‘…Your father is in a place that is absolutely wonderful: Where there is no pain and suffering. It’s a peaceful place where the colors are glorious and wonderful. The beauty of this place is hard to comprehend with the human senses. Every color is vibrant and radiates everywhere. The blues are soft and enchanting, the yellows are warm and inviting, the greens and reds are thrilling to behold. In this place- all is at peace and every memory of fear, sorrow, and agony have been erased with a sense of wellbeing, safety, and love. This is where your father is now…’ Then, he prayed for God to comfort our souls and heal our agonizing wounds. We both thanked him, and as we began walking towards the home, he departed down the street. That was the last we saw of this wonderful soul. Days later and years thereafter, my Mother and I spoke of this individual and we wondered- was he an angel in human form? The more I ponder upon that remarkable moment, I’d like to believe he was an angel. He certainly did an angelic act that day. I often wonder….even to this day, I wonder….The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that we were visited by an angel!
P.S. Hebrews 13:2 persuades me to think so…New International Version: ‘Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.’…Reflections, from the Lookout Post.