PULLING WEEDS

BACKGROUND:
We once lived next door to an elderly woman, named Agnes. Although she was keenly aware that she was in the last stages of her life, she would habitually pull weeds off the hill in her front yard. For hours EVERY DAY, she was on that hill wearing her late husband’s clothes, bending down-PULLING WEEDS! (No, the Blog pic is not Agnes, but it’s a fair likeness & it makes the point).

My wife and I used to wonder what would motivate her to persist in what appeared to be a meaningless never-ending battle.

Agnes had the financial means to hire a gardener, but she appeared to be insistent that she personally tend to THE HILL. In fact, she informed us on many occasions that her children and grandchildren are just waiting for her to pass to “GET THE MONEY.”

Sadly, she passed, and our hearts just broke. Within weeks, the weeds sprouted right back up and her family never tended to THE HILL prior to selling the house. It seemed Agnes’ toiling was for naught. All those many months that she painstakingly labored- yielded absolutely nothing. It is so distressing just recalling her daily impulsive drudgery.  

RETROSPECTION:
Later in life, and in retrospect- I saw that HILL in a symbolic sense and I realized that it was NOT her stubborn insistence on PULLING WEEDS that kept her on that HILL…No, SHE WAS STUCK!

HOW DO I KNOW THIS?
Because I figuratively found myself on that same HILL! Damn, I’m on THAT Hill. Not enjoying the moment and bullheadedly (every day) trying to zero out on my thankless job (PULLING WEEDS). I was pushing myself to my own detriment and my employer could care less. I became a victim of my own work ethic, that was not appreciated, nor rewarded. That Fanatical Drive (my EXTREMISM) served me so well in sports, BUT NOT SO in every-day-life.

Working from home, my wife witnessed a typical stressed-out, obsessional, grind-it-out day, and she compassionately pointed out the futility of it all. Instantly, a pang of acknowledgment GUTTED ME. She was spot-on right and the truth hurt. That recognition of SELF-SABOTAGE was heart-wrenching. ‘Oh no,’ I thought to myself, ‘I too- am STUCK! My WIRING will push me towards the limits of self-destruction! ...Yikes!’

SELF-REALIZATION:
Realizing that I was on THAT HILL PULLING WEEDS, gave me THE SCARE & clarity to GET OFF. From that moment forward, (although I STILL have a formidable STRUGGLE with my own self-imposed work ethic)- I am at least AWARE and now attempt to set a TIME LIMIT to my diminishing returns & terminate my daily toiling.  Make no mistake- it is an on-going struggle.

P.S. RIP Agnes. My message for all those like-minded & wired accordingly:  Get off THE HILL Y’all! Stop pulling weeds- that just grow back! Please-PLEASE, relish the precious moments of the day that we can NEVER recoup. The grains of sand are just pouring from our Hourglass.

B.P.S. Self-Incentive? Nah. Self-Motivation? NOT REALLY. I wish it were, but unfortunately, it’s more of a Self-Check and Self-Prevention. Actually- it’s a Self-Intervention. A wake-up call...From the Lookout Post