Parable of the Styrofoam Cup
I vividly recall a group therapy session for Al-Anon, (a co-dependency class), conducted by a brilliant and gifted Counselor named, Jim. After everyone introduced himself or herself, Jim made some fundamental points, and then asked me to convey ‘My Story’ to the group. Although it was just my second time in this setting, I found the courage to convey my pain for all to bear witness. I learned after several more sessions that ‘my story’ was eerily like everyone else’s story.
During my disclosure, I noticed that Jim had been diligently listening while SIPPING his black coffee. When I was finished, he delivered an insightful analogy that forever changed my sense of self. In fact, from that moment forward, it altered the way I dealt with people in general.
Sitting at the head of the table and holding an empty Styrofoam Cup, Jim sadly smiled, and then illumined: “You tell an alcoholic not to do something, and they do it anyway.” Jim then, ripped a little piece off the Styrofoam Cup and flicked it onto the floor. “Of course, because you love them, you forgive them.”
Jim looked around the room at each of us, and then continued, “So, you give them another chance... But, this time, you plead with them not to cross your line.” At this point, Jim hesitated and then looked me in the eyes, and attested, “Unfortunately, they always do. They cross lines and their good at it.”
Ripping another piece off the Styrofoam Cup, Jim added, “Now, your mad, so you warn them, that if they don’t respect you, (your line), you’re going to do such and such.”
Jim ripped another piece off the Styrofoam Cup, indiscriminately flicked it onto the floor, and then added, “The alcoholic inevitably breaks the rules and crosses all the lines, defying the consequences…Yet you give them another chance, after all, if you don’t save them who will? You’re so self- sacrificing, that you try time and time again to reach their heart. You might even pray that they will respect you and not hurt you.”
Jim ripped a sizeable chunk off the Styrofoam Cup and discarded it onto the floor. Afterwards, he peered deeply into the eyes of every convalescent sitting at the table, and then expounded, “They can’t respect you; because once they drink- they don’t even respect themselves. So, they cross your line again, and again, and again.”
To emphasize his point, each time he uttered the word AGAIN; Jim ripped off a piece from the Styrofoam Cup.
At the end of his emotive discourse, with his elbow on the table and his fingers holding up a tiny remaining piece of Styrofoam for the group to see, Jim looked at me with deadpan seriousness, and asserted, “You used to be a Styrofoam Cup...”
………………..OUCH! ☹
P.S. Point to Ponder: When dealing with THE MIND or with OTHER PEOPLE, we must draw our LINES and defend the borders. There is an old Al-Anon saying: Set your limits- and know your boundaries. Know how far to go- and know when to stop. We must apply this maxim to both the Mind and those we have interactions with. Establish your Line of Demarcation and REFUSE to self-abuse!
B.P.S.
The World urges: Let yourself GO- Indulge!
The Sage’s urge: Let yourself STOP- BE STILL!
Our choice…from the Lookout Post.