Emotional INVALIDATION
DEFINITION:
Emotional invalidation is when someone's feelings are denied, rejected, or dismissed. This type of Invalidation can make someone feel as though their emotional experience is wrong. They may be made to feel that their emotions are unacceptable, insignificant, or inaccurate.
DISCUSSION:
Dismissing someone's pain can be a form of emotional invalidation, where their feelings are not taken seriously, EVEN IF the DISMISSING INTENTION is not designed to be HURTFUL. When someone close to us dismisses or ignores our emotions, it can damage our sense of confidentiality, trust, and safety. Emotional Invalidation can be intentional or unintentional.
UNINTENTIONAL:
If it is unintentional, the person who invalidated you needs to be educated about the HARM caused to you when they invalidated your feelings. Even when someone dismisses your pain (while still wanting to forgive you)- indicates a disconnect between acknowledging the hurt you've caused and truly UNDERSTANDING the depth of YOUR HURT- that they partook in.
INTENTIONAL:
If it is intentional, then they know exactly what they are doing, and you are dealing with a very manipulative person. Deliberate emotional invalidation is one of the WORST FORMS of emotional abuse a person can experience. This can cause confusion and self-doubt even though you know deep down how the SOCIAL CONFLICT made you feel, because it happened to you!
WHY WOULD SOMEONE INVALIDATE YOUR FEELINGS?
1. Lack of empathy.
No discourse necessary- if they lack empathy, communication is useless.
2. Self-Preservation:
Sometimes people might (Unintentionally) downplay the severity of a situation to protect themselves from feeling overwhelmed by another person's pain. They might be trying to move past THE SITUATION quickly, potentially out of discomfort with dealing with YOUR PAIN, even if they genuinely want to forgive you. They may not be ready to cope emotionally with the dynamics that led to YOUR PAIN. But, if someone struggles to fully understand your perspective or the impact of THEIR ACTIONS, it can lead to minimizing YOUR PAIN.
SO, WHAT CAN YOU DO?
Communicate openly:
Express your feelings clearly and directly. If they ignore your plea as to YOUR HURT explain how their response makes you feel and why it's IMPORTANT for them to acknowledge YOUR PAIN. If they want to have a meaningful relationship with you, they need to understand the damage it is causing you. Use 'I statements' to express yourself: “I feel [state your feeling] when you [state their action]. Hopefully both Parties can come to a resolution or reconciliation. Perhaps boundaries (lines) can be set- respected by both Parties.
CONTINUAL DISMISSAL:
If the other Party continually ignores and brushes off (dismisses) your hurt, it might be necessary to temporarily distance yourself UNTIL they can engage in a more EMPATHETIC WAY. You have THE RIGHT to protect yourself from constant negative interactions.
P.S.
Others may not honor your feelings, but you need to HONOR your own feelings (as well as those you have caused pain to). Recognize and do NOT 2nd guess that your feelings are appropriate and legitimate. DO NOT invalidate yourself for the pain and the anger you feel at having just been invalidated. Don’t let their invalidation fool you or confuse you. Don’t try to justify somehow their invalidation of your feelings. Their Math may be ALL wrong. Their Emotional Intelligence may be blinded, their Reasoning misplaced or flawed, and their LACK THEREOF may be just flat out- NOT JUST. Who is ANYONE to disparage how you feel or how you felt? No one else can know what it feels like to be you, so no one else is qualified to tell you differently.
B.P.S.
BE STILL: By simply observing whether your Invalidators make any effort to STOP dismissing will be telling. If they don’t- then they will eventually weed themselves out of your life. Why? [“Because INTIMACY that turns to CAUTIOUSNESS creates distance naturally.” -Ethoas]. Do you know why it is imperative to have lines? It’s not for others, but for ourselves…It’s for our own self-respect. In my book, Emotional Invalidation is just flat out- UNACCEPTABLE. A fundamental precept subscribed to and a clear line drawn …From the Lookout Post.